My Name is Earl: Earl In Love
by winnybabe66
Summary: Being through 3 crazy marriages it would seem like Earl has almost lost faith in women. At least any kind of relationship with them. Until Patsy comes along. They are instantly attracted to each other. You will discover the trials and tribulations in their relationship.


Chapter 1: 'Coming Legal

I pulled into the Crab Shack around 11:00 pm. I'd just got off of a late shift at the grocery store and I didn't feel like going home yet. I'd never been to this place before. Most people who lived in Camden have been every place that this town has to offer, I more like have the attitude of _ain't nobody got the time fo dat. _Hey, but that's just me. Maybe when I'm all done school and I'm not working in a dumpy little grocery store and I move out from my parent's house I will have the time for that. When I walked in the place was a complete dive. I only went there in the first place because I liked sea food. Crabs came from the sea, right?

Anyways, I didn't especially notice anyone so I just sat myself down on a bar stool. A black guy drying a glass stood in front of me, "Can I get you something?"

"Yeah, a beer would be nice."

He turned around and pulled one out of a cooler, "Thanks," I said when he placed it down in front of me. I pulled a couple dollar bills out from my jean pocket and placed them down on the counter.

I opened it with my shirt, "I'm Patsy, what's your name?"

He leaned on the bar, "I'm Darnell, but call me Crabman. Everyone else does."

We shook hands and I pressed my lips up to the bottle, not really even sipping it.

"Nice to meet ya, Crabman."

"How come I've never seen you around here before?" He asked.

"I just 'came legal." I said, pulling out my ID from my pocket.

"Crap, I knew I was forgetting something."

I just laughed. Someone called his name. "See ya around, Patsy."

"See ya, Crabman."

I stared blankly in front of me. I felt a little strip of skin poking out from my t-shirt just above my butt. Usually I'd pull it down, but right now I really couldn't care less. Being in this dive made me feel like I was sort of in my element. It was nice.

Becoming legal still didn't change the taste of beer. It was still like drinking apple juice right after you brush your teeth. At least I wouldn't go crazy with them, and wouldn't get drunk and waste a bunch of money. Being a wuss has its perk.

I had nothing on my mind at all, just the taste of beer on my tongue and warmth in my stomach, And at that moment that was just enough.

I inhaled smoke and the scent of sweat and cheap cologne. Some kinda classic rock was playing on the jukebox and I could hear the faint arguing of two men over, well, over something.

I took another sip of my beer.

A guy in a plaid shirt sat down beside me.

"Hey, Crabman!" He called.

He turned to me and smiled, friendly-like. He had a nice smile. He was handsome for one of the guys who hang out here. He had messy brown hair and brown eyes. And this mostache. His eyebrow cocked when he said, "Hi."

I got another good look at him, "Hi."

Crabman came up, "Hey, Earl."

"Hey, Crabman," he responded, "Can I get a beer?"

"Sure thing, Earl."

I sipped on my beer again, and stared blankly at the TV.

Crabman put the beer down, "Thanks, Crabman."

"Anytime, Earl."

I felt Earl turn to me, "So, what's your name?"

I looked at him and smiled, "Patsy, and I reckon you're Earl." I glanced at Crabman as I said that.

"Yeah, I'm Earl."

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Earl."

"Same goes to you, Patsy."

We made awkward eye contact for a couple seconds, but then I looked back up at the TV. I was sorta hoping while doing that I'd get some kinda idea of what to say.

"So," he said, exaggerately, "how come I've never seen you around here before?"

_Is him and this Crabman character brothas from other mothas or something?_

I figured that he asked the same question as Crabman, that I'd give him the same answer as I gave Crabman, "I just got legal." I said, holding up my beer bottle.

"Well, happy birthday." he grinned while saying.

I smiled back at him, "Belated, but thanks anyway."

"Eh, Crabman!" He called.

"Yeah, Earl?" Crabman called, coming back to us.

"It's Patsy here's birthday." He said, wiggling his eyebrow, his mostache wiggled a little when he did that and I giggled.

"How come you never told me?" Crabman said, smiling. He crouched down and I shrugged making a face.

He came back up holding this ridiculous birthday hat and a ginormous pin that said _Birthday Bitch. _

"No offence from the pin, we used it for my wife, Joy's birthday." Crabman said.

"If you knew her, it would explain alot." Earl concluded.

I took the birthday stuff from him, "Well thanks alot. This is real nice." I said.

Earl took the pin, "I'll do the honors."

_Probably just an excuse to cop a feel. _

"You guys, come here." I took out my camera cell phone and snapped a picture of the three of us.

Earl was smiling and I was too. Crabman tended to another customer. I finished up my beer when a song I knew come on the jukebox.

"Hey, I love this song!" I shouted.

"Me too! Let's go!" Earl said, still with a big, happy grin on his face.

We walked out to the 'dance floor' side by side. I would've never guessed that the dance floor was the dance floor because there was nobody on it.

So, there was me and Earl, screaming out the lyrics to 'Sweet Home Alabama'. People just stared until the first chorus, but by then a couple people had come up and joined us. Earl had on only his Lynrd Skynrd t shirt, because he'd thrown his plaid shirt out into the crowd. He was defenitely wasted. His brown hair was even messier than before and his mostache was just the cherry on top. I was working on cashier at the grocery store, so I could wear my blue jeans. I'd thrown my white work shirt with red detail out into the crowd at the same time Earl did, and all I had on underneath was a tiny tight red t shirt. The whole night was kinda, "Aw, what the hell."

After that Earl got the whole bar to sing me Happy Birthday. I blew kisses and bowed at the end.

Through all of this Earl had managed to down 3 beers, and I'm sure thats not even half of what he already had. So, we sat back down.

"Hey, Crabman. Could you tell me where Earl lives. I think I'm gonna drive him home."

"Ok," Crabman said warily.

"Don't worry I'm not gonna kid nap him. Just watch his car, and I'll tell him to come by and get it tomorrow. Just trust me."

Crabman looked at me like he was trying to decide what to do, then he said, "Ok," in a concluding kind of way. He took a napkin from the counter and a pen from behind his ear.

"Thanks, Patsy. That's real nice of you." He said, bobbing his head with a smile on his face.

"No problem, I hope someone would do the same for me."

"Karma," Earl said, perking up.

"Don't even get him started on that." Crabman said.

I cocked my eyebrow and said, "C'mon Earl, I'm gonna take you home. See you around, Crabman."

Earl nodded slowly. I expected him to get up by himself, but when he didn't I threw his arm around my shoulder and helped him up.

"I got your adress from Crabman," I told him when we got out of the bar, "I'm gonna take you home. And don't worry, I ain't gonna kidnap you. I've got no place to put ya anyway."

He laughed at that.

"Well, good. I didn't really feel like getting kidnapped tonight anyway." He said, as I helped him into the passenger seat of my dad's car.

I chuckled and started the car when I got into my side.

He put his hands on both his knees justly, "Well, I had fun tonight, did you have fun tonight?"

"Yeah, I did have fun tonight." I felt my head and looked down at my white work shirt Earl had on his shoulder, "Yeah, maybe a little too much fun." I concluded.

"Naw, you can never have too much fun." he said.

I turned down the blaring radio, "Thanks for grabbing my shirt."

He felt his shoulder, "Oh," he said, passing it to me, "never leave anything at the Crab Shack, especially if you ever want to see it again. Lesson learned."

I laughed, "I bet."

We pulled into his residence, the motel.

"Well, thanks for the drive," He said, and he opened the passenger door. He went to step out and fumbled.

"Hold on," I said, going to help him.

He put his arm around me, "Well, you're in OK condition, aren't ya? You can understand what I'm saying and all. That's good."

He nodded, then held his forehead.

When we got up to his room, he was having a hell of a time with the keys. "Here," I said, taking them from him and opening up the door.

"Hey Randy!" He called when we got in. I swatted him on the chest, "Shh!"

He nodded his head pressing his finger up against his lips.

"Take your shoes off," I instructed when he lead us towards his bed. He dropped his pants. "Dear Lordy," I laughed, but quietly.

He climbed into bed beside 'Randy'.

_Well, I'll be goddamned. I hope he's not gay. _

"This is my brother, Randy." He said, laying on his side with his eyes closed.

"Hi, Randy." I whispered to him. I looked at him. He had the face of a chubby ten year old. I thought he was pretty adorable, even when I saw the puddle of drool beside him.

Earl looked up at me, "Thanks for taking me home," he said.

"No problem, good night."

He closed his eyes, again, "Good night."

I looked at him and kissed his forehead. When I turned away I saw a Chubby burger wrapper on the dresser. I took a permenant marker out from the very side of my bra and wrote a note on it;

_I don't know if you're gonna remember this in the morning, but you met me last night at the Crab Shack, you got really wasted, and I drove you home. Don't worry though, you didn't sleep with me. Your El Camino is still at the Crab Shack so you might wanna swing by there tomorrow and pick it up. Well, I at least hope you remember tonight. You said you had a good time, but you could've just been saying that. Anyway, call me if you need anything. My name is Patsy. _

_205-143-3815_

I drew a happy face and left the long note there. I smiled at the brothers laying together in the bed, and left for the night.


End file.
